5 ways feeling your emotions makes you powerful AF

Have you ever noticed how anytime someone cries or is feeling their emotions, they immediately say I’m sorry? There you are, sobbing or needing a tissue, and you’re the one apologizing. Kind of ironic isn’t it?

It’s moments like this that reinforce a common societal trope—emotions make you weak.

But in the last 3 years, I learned the exact opposite to be true. It started when I was a student at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where during the infamous “Touchy Feely” class otherwise known as Interpersonal Dynamics, we performed an exercise called the Influence Line. In this exercise, our group of 12 would each get a turn, physically placing people in rank order of who they believed was the most influential. Sounds cringe. But the results were insightful. 

To my surprise, I was ranked first—time and time again. I was shocked. Why me? I wasn’t the most outspoken. I didn’t have an agenda. Why was I the most influential?

The reason—as my group soon revealed—was that I was in touch with my emotions. They said beyond that, I had the ability to help others name and label their emotions too. This skill gave people clarity of their own inner world, which in effect helped them to feel a newfound sense of clarity, authenticity, and personal power.

This was the moment it hit me—my capacity to feel doesn’t make me weak. It makes me influential.

Here are 5 ways you can start using your emotions today to become a more powerful leader:

1. Help others name their emotions when you notice them struggling

If you see someone who can’t seem to say how they feel, ask if they’d like some help to process and sort it out. This can sound like:

“Hey, is what you’re feeling angry? Frustration? Bored”?

By framing it as a question, you’re not making assumptions and instead just offering some help. 

The reason this makes you a more powerful leader is because by helping this person know what they’re feeling, you’re giving them the gift of clarity. And with clarity comes peace. 

If you need help, here’s a great resource to widen you’re vocabulary when it comes to emotions.

2. Use “I” statements when using emotions while confronting someone

If you are facing an issue at work, a great way to engage the conversation is by ensuring you use “I” statements. For example, if your co-worker, boss, or direct report does something to aggravate you, express what you want to say while keeping all feeling and emotion words about you. 

For example, do NOT say:

“You annoyed me when you did X.”

Instead say:

“When you did X, I felt annoyed.”

See the difference? No one can f with what you feel. You own the right to feel however you want.  

3. Show vulnerability to grow collective emotional intelligence

News flash, in 2024, not being vulnerable doesn’t make you strong. On the contrary, it will likely signal that you’re either afraid, guarded, or out of touch. 

If this one feels new to you, start small. Share a TV show that gave you the feels. Talk about something that feels safe, but still shows you have the ability to recognize your own emotional state. 

The reason this makes you a powerful leader is two-fold. First, by being vulnerable, you’re giving your employees the permission they may need to do the same. Second, the mere act of demonstrating your comfort with emotions will signal that you’re confident—an attribute required of any great leader.  

4. Encourage intuitive decision making

Your intuition is a powerful tool that allows you to make decisions that are aligned with your desires and values.

However, society often doesn’t encourage use of intuition at work. 

By encouraging employees to trust their gut, you’re going to foster greater creativity, trust, and culture.

5. Ask for what you need

By asking for what you need—e.g. “when you deliver feedback, can you do it during our 1:1 instead of in front of everybody?”—you’re signaling to your organization that you are self-aware, and self-awareness is power.

Want more help? Book a free 1:1 call with me to learn more about my private coaching program.